Marriage Actually - An honest look at marriage

Lifestyles Grandparents Theme Day

by Marye Audet on September 7th, 2008

This is a picture of  my three youngest (on the left) and my grandkids (on the right)

I like to be involved with lifestyles theme days…It is fun and most of the time it is a change from the type of blogging I usually do.

I wasn’t sure how to be involved in this one because I didn’t have grandparents.  I was adopted, and my parents were in their 40’s…so the grandparents on one side were gone and on the other …well..there were “issues”.

All the way through my childhood I looked for grandparent figures.. in Aunts, Uncles, and neighbors.  Sometimes I found them for a season but then we would move or whatever and the season was over.

As an only child of older parents I always missed the idea of family.  My parents separated from their  families for the most part.  I suspect they wanted to keep the truth of my adoption from me and that was part of the reason.  It worked, I did not find out until I was 36..and that was an accident.

I was jealous of friends who had birthdays with lots of family, or Christmas dinners with more than three people at the table.  The idea of going for an overnight at Gramma’s house was intriguing to me.

Now I am a grandma.  I have 2 grandchildren with another due in March.  LArge family gatherings are not an issue when you have eight kids.  My parents have passed away and they are missed at family get togethers.  The person who misses them the most is Kyrie.  She was born after they had both died.

She has adopted an elderly couple that lives next door as grandparents.  She and Shiloh (my 12 year old daughter) head over there once a week with fresh eggs.  They visit for awhile and come home with treats..just like a real grandma.

I am not the best grandma in the universe.  It is difficult because 3 of my children are close in age to my two grandchildren, plus my daughter and her husband and the grandkids lived with us for the last 8 months…that made me more of a disciplinarian than a grandma.

For me, being adopted, it is neat to look at someone and see a resemblance.  I can’t attribute my nose to any relative, or the weird color of my eyes…But when I see my grandkids I can see myself in them…bits and pieces but me.

I think grandparents have an important role in stabilizing a child’s life.  They are the connection between the past and the future.  It isn’t a matter of spoiling or not..It is a matter of being grounded and safe.  After 28 years of marriage Marc and I don’t often argue, or fight, or raise out voices.  We do not stomp out of rooms or scream at eachother.  Our values and our prioritites are different than they were 20 years ago when we were our daughter and son in laws age.

Grandparents don’t get bent out of shape by the little things that might have put them over the edge in their early years. And grandparents tend to see their grandchildren as gifts rather than as possessions or inconveniences. I see many parents that seem to see their children as one or the other of those…or both.

As an older parent I think I am more of a grandparent to Kyrie Nick, and Sean that I am a mom…I generally take more time than I would have years ago.

Grandparents have the unique ability of being able to pour acceptance and love into their grandkids..of teaching them about continuity between generations, and of giving them roots…and wings.

When I am dead, I do not want to be remembered as a good blogger, or a good cook, or even a hot, hot, babe (weeeellllll…maybe). None of those things will matter in the light of eternity.  What will matter is how I interacted with my kids and what gifts I gave them…which of my positive qualities I bestowed on them and what ethics and character traits I left them with.

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