Marriage Actually - An honest look at marriage

Ch - Ch - Ch- Changes….

by Marc Audet on August 27th, 2008

It  has  been one of those  weeks, so far.  I have yet  to post this week and I have four days to write three posts.  Between Homeschooling,  cleaning  one of our  rentals homes, starting Matt off a the local Jr. College and his dual  credit classes, working on on  VA and Social Security claims and paperwork…Well you get the idea.  Oh, I left out work and several other things.  Tonight as I was lying down with my two youngest boys and our tiniest princess, I was thinking about what I could post on.  After the kids seemed they weren’t going to  settle down, I suggested to them they try “Brandon’s ” advice.   Close your eyes and stop  talking and you will fall right to sleep.  It worked!  And I didn’t pass out from exhaustion, like Monday night.  That night I awoke at 03:30 and moved to our bed for a couple hours sleep in my own bed.  This is now.

It is a big contrast from  pre-June 2007 when Marye & I would rise and start our day at the gym.  We would spend about two hours there 5 or six days a week.   Then we would head home to roust kids and feed the horses and other livestock,get ready and off to my full-time job.  Iwas in better shape then while I was twenty something and active duty US Marine.  I was successful, but not happy in my 24 year career in retail jewelry.  We had been succesfully working  out our issues with our sex life after  about nine months of counseling outside the church.  We  had both individually sought counsel from pastors.  But they had   been  no help in assisting us to overcome the stress on our marriage from 15  years,  with a very huge differences in Marye’s libido and mine.  Mine was equivalent to Eyyore in the Winnie the Pooh  stories in the Hundred acre wood, while Marye’s was more like Tigger in the same stories.

The advice she had received  “Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight” wasn’t working.  I had closed myself off visually so I wouldn’t fall into lustful situations, as I was taught as a young Christian,  and to avoid the temptation I would turn away from even  a Victoria’s  Secret commercial.  I ended up even turning my eyes away from Marye disrobing or getting dressed.  Let me tell you that caused more problems which she has discussed here previously.  I had tried sitting down with our pastor at that time to discuss his counsel for me in my problems sexually  at a Starbucks early one Saturday morning. After he stopped choking on  his coffee,he quickly changed the subject to the  war in  Iraq as we were both vets and following the events  there.   Aftter two or three weeks  and he avoiding me liike the  plague, I requested a second coffee session on the next  Saturday morning  at Starbucks.  That was more military strategy and opinion session until I asked if he had prayed about what we had talked about the last time we met and requested his prayerful counsel.  He glanced at his watch and said he needed to go pick up hs wife at her hair appt. and excused himself.  Sorry I went off  track there to another topic.

Meanwhile back to the ranch…Nowadays, I am in incredible pain, in a wheel chair or using crutches when I am up and about.  My medicines for the pain would have most people in a non-functional state or stupor, along with  my anti-depressants.  By mid morning or early afternoon I can and will fall asleep at the computer, sitting folding laundry, or even working with Nick on his math or reading.  I am having seizure activity, lost 50-60 pounds, that I didn’t need to lose and to top that off making love on a regular basis 3 or more times a week like we had been after resolving those problems is something we both hope and pray will be possible  again.   SOON!  Marye and I have had to exchange some roles including me turning our finances and checkbook to Marye after I have handled the bills and other things for all these years because of how my judgement has been  affected.   Now Marye  has been diligently working too many  hours a day blogging and writing to bring in most of the income we have lost since I lost my full time job due to my medical issues which still are not diagnosed after 14 months with the VA.

(This is nationalized  (socialist) health care on a much smaller scale to show it WILL NOT  work Hillary and NObama).

These types of changes  we face daily and with God’s help we will go through successfully, because as it says in Romans 8:28 “And we know that ALL things work for good to them that love God, to them who are called  according to His  purposes.”   I believe that and have first hand witnessed it in our lives, marriage, family and personal relationships with God too many  times before,  to start doubting Him now.  I am still believing I will be healed and will be back in that kind of physical conditioning.  Daily workouts at the gym, rock climbing and yes, even snow skiing are in my future as God heals me, in His timing.  I refuse to believe my Dr. prognosis that I will forever need the permanent disabled placard and or license plates that I got today.  I am in continual denial, and still believe this is a season in my life and not a permanent change.  So far I have been able to adapt, improvise and overcome and I don’t see myself quitting that ethos.  We all have changes in our lives and marriages we face and we need to chose to continue to fight for the things we feel are important.  Marye’s and my  marriage relationship and the sexual aspect included are and will continue to be that important, after our relationships with Jesus Christ being the only more important aspect in  our lives.

Thanks for letting me ramble on and hiding a couple priceless nuggets in my verbal meandering.

Blessings.

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