Marriage Actually - An honest look at marriage

Handling Arguments with Company Around

by Kerri on June 15th, 2008

Okay, so, we all know we love our spouses unconditionally, right? Without doubt, we’ll be there for them? They can count on us? Okay, so it’s not always easy to know those things, but we believe that they’re true.

That doesn’t mean, however, that we always get along with our spouses or never get annoyed with them. Especially when we’re (I’m) in a compromised hormonal state (read as: PMSing) or are really tired (insomniac). Not that Bald Man isn’t occasionally annoying in his own right, I’m just giving him the benefit of the doubt right now.

So, anyway, I’ve been all kinds of compromised lately. And being compromised makes me edgy, irritable and very easily annoyed. Even by those that I love the most. Even the things that I normally think are fun or just silly about Bald Man become very plausible motivations for getting in the car, driving to a hotel, and engaging in a bit of solitary confinement for a week or two. That, or hurt him, and I wouldn’t want to do that. Expect that I do. In those moments. But I don’t.

Anyway, it occasionally happens that we’re around other couples when I’m in those modes. I hate getting into any kind of argument in front of others. I know that I feel uncomfortable when I’m around other couples and they’re fighting. Not that it happens a ton, but it’s still a bit odd when there’s obviously a lot of tension between a couple.

Like I said, I hate to put others in that situation, but it can’t always be avoided. Sometimes I’m just irritable and aggravated. However, I try to control myself as best as I can. Usually, I’ll try to find a moment alone with Bald Man and tell him how I’m feeling. Like I said, it’s usually just me being irritable, so sometimes that’s all I need to say. “Sorry, babe, I’m just really irritable right now. It’s nothing that you’ve done, really.” Sometimes it’s just a, “Hey, it really bothered me/hurt me when you said/did xyz. I just wanted you to know why I’m acting like I am.”

I really only address it like that if there’s obvious tension, and just a word or two can possibly alleviate it a bit and make everyone a little more comfortable. If it’s something less significant, I usually just say something after our guests have gone. I usually still try to address whatever happened.

So, how about you? How do you handle an uncomfortable, irritable event with company around? Do you save it for later? Do you start a fight right off? Do you decide it’s not worth the effort and just bury it?

Share This

POSTED IN: About Us, Communication, General, Just wondering..., Resolving Conflict