Your place or mine?
Okay, maybe not yours or mine, but your parents’ or mine?
For the first time in 10 years, we live in the same area as both my mom and Bald Man’s parents. While my mom was the “lucky” one to be the only parent/grandparent around for years, she now has to share her precious time (okay, so we know it’s about the grandkids and not us) with the other grandparents.
And now, I have to give up some of my “relaxing at mom’s house” time for visiting the in-laws.
Let me be clear and say that I really do get along with my in-laws, and love them very much. We enjoy our time together, and I’ve learned a lot from them. They obviously love their grandkids, so it’s never a bad thing to go over.
Still, it’s not the same as going to my own mom’s house. You know what I mean? While I’m comfortable at my in-laws, it’s still me coming in as a visitor. It was probably less so, actually, when they lived far away because we would be sleeping and staying there. You feel much less like a guest when you’re wearing your jammies and taking showers in a home.
At my mom’s, though, it feels a bit like coming home. I really feel like, if I arrived exhausted with all the kids in tow, I could go up and lie on a bed and take a nap. If I was sick, my mom would notice right off and I’d have a cup of tea sitting there for me. If Bald Man was gone for a while and I didn’t feel like being the only adult in the house, the kids and I could go crash there without it even being a big deal.
I think the same is true for Bald Man. Not that he couldn’t crash at my mom’s, but things are more “normal” at his parent’s house. He knows better what to expect there, and it’s more familiar to him.
Is this normal for every couple? Do you always feel more at ease at your home of origin? I imagine if your own home was not a pleasant place to be, that might cause it to be different. What’s your experience here?
photo credit: SantaRosa OLD SKOOL
Tags: home, in-laws, marriage, marriage-blogPOSTED IN: About Us, Extended Family, Just wondering...
5 opinions for Your place or mine?
Maria
Mar 14, 2008 at 9:06 am
I don’t know about everyone, but that is how it is with me/us…except I DREAD going to the in-laws. It’s 8 hours away…in a strange house…with people who don’t really care for how different I am from them… it’s usually a mess. I hate it there, and we always go in the summer when it is so blasted hot that I can’t even go for a walk to take a time-out!
On the other hand, I love chillin’ at my parents’ place!
Valencia
Mar 14, 2008 at 11:26 am
I know how you feel. I like my in-laws and they go over and beyond to make me feel welcomed. Still, I’m more at ease at my parent’s house. If I need some time to unwind by myself, I can go in a bedroom or out on my parent’s back deck. On the other hand, if I do this at my in-law’s house, I’m afraid I might come off as anti-social. My in-law can spend hours sitting around and talking. I don’t mind the conversation, but sometimes, I need a break from everything.
Kerri
Mar 15, 2008 at 12:55 am
Maria: Thanks for commenting. :) I do feel for you! It’s bad enough to feel so different from others, much less when they don’t care and maybe don’t make an effort to include or understand? Good thing you have your parents’ place to go to! How does your husband fare at your parents’ home?
Valencia: Thanks for the comment. :) Yeah, I think it would be thought of as rude or bad form if I tried to nap at my in-laws, especially now as we’re not there for long visits. :P Though I still would do it at my mom’s for the same length of visit. I get it, though, sometimes you need to be allowed to step away from everyone, and it’s so frustrating when you can’t!
Maria
Mar 15, 2008 at 8:18 pm
My parents go out of their way to try to make my husband comfortable, involve him, and take an interest in his interests. They came to visit us in Germany when we had the baby. I think he feels comfortable there, even though it is out of his element (farm versus Houston!). Their relationship is MUCH more relaxed that my relationship with his family.
Maria
Mar 15, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Oh– to be fair– one thing that I think negatively impacts my relationship with his parents/family is that his mom and dad were going through a divorced during the same period we were planning our wedding and starting our life together.
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: