Marriage Actually - An honest look at marriage

The Battle of the Clutter

by Kerri on January 6th, 2008

It’s not him, it’s me…

I’ve always been a cluttered person. In jr. high/high school, I was the one with the bed arranged perpendicular to the door so that all of my junk/clothes/books/notes, etc. could be “hidden” on the floor on the other side of my bed. I had a closet which had a floor, though no eyewitness could prove it. I have no clue what all was under my bed, and couldn’t have figured out with less than three hours time and an entire team of archeologists working with me to search the rubble. My grandma used to visit occasionally, and I dreaded those times. I’d leave my room in the morning to go to school, only to return to find three or four big trashbags sitting outside of my room. How I longed to sift through those bags to see what treasures she determined were junk!

Anyway, when Bald Man and I got together, Grandma was one of the first people to tell me that I needed to get my act together and take better care of our home. She out-and-out warned me that my husband would leave me if I didn’t keep a neat house. I laughed it off, probably with a less than respectful roll of my eyes. Who needs neat and orderly when you have cluttered and carefree?!?!

Truthfully? Bald Man needs neat and orderly. Not because he doesn’t love me as I am. Not because he’s military-raised and that’s what’s expected (I was military raised as well, didn’t help me with order!). Not because he wants me to be someone other than who I am. But because he does need to be who he is. And he is a person who needs order.

It’s not that I don’t already know all this. I was just reminded again as we spent an evening at a friend’s house. A friend who is very neat and orderly. I cooked with her a few other friends in her neat and orderly kitchen, and it was wonderful! I walk into her house and feel the clutterless space and openness of the rooms. I work in her workspaces and see how having a place for everything really does make the work easier and more enjoyable. And I’m reminded that it’s in a place like this that Bald Man would thrive and be more at peace. Certainly less stressed.

So, I’m not going to pretend that I can ever be this friend of mine. I love her dearly, but we are two different people entirely. It’s one reason we complement each other pretty well. But striving for a neater and more orderly home than what we have is achievable. Trying to glean a bit of her tidiness and purpose in placement (and a few other friends out there, as well!) could go a long way toward loving my hubby. I can give it a go. Maybe one of those New Year’s Resolution-type thingies. Gotta be more achievable than the “Lose some weight” that’s made the list year after year!!!!

What’s one thing that you could do this year to show your spouse your love for him/her?

photo credit: kk+

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