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If You Can See Wal-Mart…

by Bald Man on December 31st, 2007

You’re Doing It Wrong!

At the very least, that’s a good rule of thumb when you’re on a vacation. Lest you think Kerri and I are brilliant all the time, let me share the story of how we almost ruined our vacation…

It was Thursday afternoon, and we had just completed our afternoon hike. It was late afternoon, and we were both looking forward to dinner in the cottage. — Let me back up.

See, we headed out on our vacation with a budget and a bit of a plan. Dinner Wednesday night was going to be at the Inn. No doubt delicious, but a bit pricey. That meant the remainder of our lunches and dinners would be far simpler (i.e. cheaper) fare. Well, for whatever reason, the Inn gave us one of our entrées for free. Suddenly we had a few extra dollars in the vacation budget. What to do? What to do?

While in Logan Thursday morning, we made a plan. On the way out of town we hit Kroger to stock up: a bottle of wine, some bread, a variety of cheeses and fruit. After an afternoon of hiking, a romantic dinner in the cottage by the (gas-powered) woodburning stove would be the perfect end. Well… that and the hot tub. :) We even remembered some sodas and salty snacks for the inevitable munchies that would come later in the evening during Scrabble or crossword puzzles.

Let me now fast-forward to the end of the hike. We return only to find that the car battery is dead. Now, while this wasn’t exactly a pleasant surprise, it wasn’t a big deal. There was one other car in the lot with ours, and the owners returned shortly after we did. They kindly gave us a lift back to the Inn, and the staff helped us jump our car. A thirty minute detour, but no biggie. That’s when when the wheels fell off.

Anticipating a cold night, I knew that we ought to drive around for bit in order to let the battery recharge fully. I was just going to wander around the backroads for a bit, but Kerri had another suggestion. Why don’t we head back into Logan? We can go back to the dinner where we spent our morning, and get a mocha and a chai… and since it’s not even five o’clock yet, maybe we can get a hot dog, too, and save the wine and cheese for later in the evening.

I do her one better: Instead of a hot dog at the dinner, how about we find that barbecue restaurant mentioned in the cottage diary? I’m a sucker for barbecue.

Thirty-five dollars later we walk out having had one of the worst dining experiences in recent memory. We should have left when, after asking about the macaroni and cheese, the waitress replies, “It’s real good; it’s Stouffer’s.” The mac-n-cheese was barely tolerable; the baked beans were straight from a Campbell’s can; the green beans were over-salted and mushy; and the coleslaw was tasteless. The only redeeming qualities of the meal were the sweet cornbread mini-muffins and the sweet tea (which, despite the opinions of some, is the only way to drink cold tea.)

Ye gods! What were we thinking? We had a plan. We had a really, really, really good plan! Why didn’t we stick with the plan! Fortunately, we didn’t eat much at the barbecue restaurant and we didn’t eat it early, so we were able to salvage the original plan later that night back at the cottage.

So, dear readers, I give you the opportunity to learn from our mistake. I’m calling it the Wal-Mart Rule of Vacationing: “If you can see Wal-Mart, you’re doing it wrong!” Nearly every town in America has a newer retail district centered on Wal-Mart and a few other big box stores, and they all have the same dining options. Now I’m not saying there’s something inherently evil about patronizing one of these establishments, (At least not yet. I’ll freely confess to being a bit of a Luddite when it comes to the “Wal-martization” of America, and sentimental over the slow death of Main Street USA.) but you’re on vacation for goodness sake! Find someplace local to do your shopping and eating. Have an experience!

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POSTED IN: Pontification