Friends of Your Marriage
It’s something I’ve thought quite a bit about before and during our marriage.
The question is this: Are you surrounded by people who support and encourage your marriage (or marriage in general), or by people who don’t care one way or the other whether your marriage (or any marriage) lasts?
When I think about most of the people in our life, I realize that we are surrounded by people who support us and would do anything they could to see our marriage succeed. This includes friends/family who are single, married, divorced, and widowed. While there were a few people who thought we were too young when we first got married, once we were hitched, those few also jumped on the support wagon.
Marriage is hard. I’ve been around others whose marriages are made even more difficult by other people constantly criticizing and ridiculing either someone’s spouse, or the institution itself. I’m not saying that there aren’t problems that happen in a marriage that shouldn’t be brought into the open if they are unhealthy or harmful. I’m just saying, in general, that I’m thankful that, for all the issues that a marriage must survive, trying to justify it to those around us isn’t usually one of ours.
How ’bout you? Do you feel that your marriage is supported by those around you? Would it help your marriage if it was?
photo credit: william.n
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POSTED IN: General
15 opinions for Friends of Your Marriage
Kate
Oct 15, 2007 at 11:00 pm
I am really not sure.
I think I am surrounded by people who believe in marriage, but who think that love, committment and respect are components that define marriage.
If any of those three are not really present after a wedding (i month or 20 years after), if that lack results in emotional or physical abuse, then I hope my friends would support me to leave rather than stay.
Debbie
Oct 16, 2007 at 7:16 am
I think that most people around me support my marriage, however, in the down times of my marriage, they really seem to push against it. It’s great to have a good support of friends around when you need them.
Sara
Oct 16, 2007 at 7:50 am
I am lucky enough to have a great support system for my marriage. I have had friends however that family has put such a strain on their marriage that it had a great deal to do with the marriage failing. It is so sad to see that happen.
Jennifer
Oct 16, 2007 at 8:11 am
I have both, it seems the friends who are in happy marriages are more supportive, however the single, or unhappily married ones seem to be less supportive
Doug McCaughan
Oct 16, 2007 at 8:39 am
I absolutely believe that having a support system around marriages could help save marriages. With a child, we often declare, “it takes a village.” Where does that village vanish to in adulthood? Simply put, we absorb ourselves into our own problems. “I’m too busy dealing with my own life to worry about other people’s lives!” But this is how we become alienated. Once we are alienated from our friends, our spouse becomes the only outlet of our joys, griefs, rants, etc. When we are not getting along with our spouse (and we all have those times because we are human), we have no outlet. With no one to whom we can vent our frustrations and gain unbiased prospective, those frustrations become a festering wound inside which can become the wedge to drive the marriage apart.
We need friends who support the marriage to help keep us in check. We also need to be the friend that puts a hand on the shoulder and says, “buddy, count to 10. Is this issue really that important?” Sometimes just the simple reminder from a friend to “love her! (or him)” could make all the difference.
I once read that most marriages could be saved with counseling. That counsel could simply be a friend.
That said, there are some marriages that just don’t work and we have to know when to butt out. I was recently witness to a church group that went so far trying to save the marriage that I felt they were bordering on stalking! In that case, they would have done better to simply support the woman as she worked her way through the divorce.
Yes, having people around to support your marriage is helpful and important! My marriage is definitely supported by those around me but not as closely as I suggest above.
Nicole
Oct 16, 2007 at 9:31 am
I’m not married. Jennifer’s comment brings up a question for me: how can those of us who don’t know what it’s like best support our family and friends in their marriages?
Lindley
Oct 16, 2007 at 4:03 pm
My husband and I had some non-supporters in that we were young and also in an interracial relationship. But we have been married for 8 years and everyone has seen how happy and stable we have been. We never gave the non-supporters much thought, we had enough who did love and support us!
bebemiqui
Oct 16, 2007 at 7:23 pm
My hubby and I eloped because of my parents inability to support us. It was tough on me at first until I made friends and we found a church. My folks are over it now and our relationship is better for all the angst.
Ways to Support Your Friend’s Marriage
Oct 16, 2007 at 8:46 pm
[…] by Nicole’s comment here, let’s build a list together. I’ll throw out a few thoughts to get the ball […]
Bald Man
Oct 16, 2007 at 8:48 pm
Nicole,
Sounds like a good post to me. :)
lace
Oct 16, 2007 at 10:38 pm
I’m not married but I would hope that my friends and family would support us in our marriage. I have a feeling that as long as the guy is a great and loving and supportive guy, then my family would be great also.
Caryn
Oct 17, 2007 at 2:06 am
We have been so blessed to have the love and support of our friends and family. Marriage is difficult and it is so important to have a network of people rooting for you. It just gets that much more difficult when children come along and my husband and I have to work each day to make our marriage important and not let the everyday things like dishes, laundry, our dog, etc. get in the way of our time together.
akakarma
Oct 19, 2007 at 5:45 pm
In my marriage I have some wonderfully supportive friends and some friends that I don’t give the whole pic. A great support is one that doesn’t feed into the bad times, can love you and respect your spouse enough to tolerate the marital bad times. I’ve learned never to criticize a friends spouse even when they do- I might agree with bad behavior but not a bad person statement!
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Kerri
Oct 23, 2007 at 8:19 pm
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and stories. I agree with general themes in the comments. We need friends and family who support our marriages. But, if I’m ever blind to some type of abuse in my marriage, I’d want someone to point it out in a loving way to me.
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