What Do You Do When Your Spouse Is Done?
Kerri has had a full week. A good week, no doubt; but nevertheless a full one. How do I know? She’s in bed. She isn’t sick, but it’s only 10:48 PM, and Kerri is already in bed. This from the woman who is clinging to her night owl days far more tenaciously then Jack did to that hunk of debris in the north Atlantic.
Stick a fork in her… she’s done.
When your spouse is done, what do you do? How to you help them renew their spirit? Do you leave her alone, giving her space to do - or not do - whatever she wants? Do you commiserate with her, somehow entering into her “done-ness” in a way that provides support and rejuvenation?
Post up; I’d love to hear your thoughts.
POSTED IN: Questions & Answers
9 opinions for What Do You Do When Your Spouse Is Done?
Heather
Oct 5, 2007 at 6:52 am
Interesting post - I’m feeling “done” right about now too and I see my husband floundering, wanting to know what to do to make it better. I sort of want to be left alone and I sort of want him to magically make my problems go away.
One thing my dearest husband does that helps, if only on a primal level, is to hold me tight at night. I’m not a cuddler by nature, but it feels really nice when your “done”.
Good luck - I like the “for better” parts of marriage more than the icky “for worses”!
Bald Man
Oct 5, 2007 at 7:52 am
Heather,
Thanks for the comment. Here’s hoping you and your hubby both find some renewal in the days ahead.
Shannon
Oct 5, 2007 at 8:53 am
Coming from the other end(being the wife), I would say a nice long hug and leave her alone. That’s about what my husband wants to.
Mysti
Oct 5, 2007 at 11:12 am
For me, I take the opportunity to find something that he loves and spin it around into a heart-felt gesture. I’ve taken songs from his favorite band and used it as a background for a slide show that suddenly appears on his computer. I will surprise him with a group of his old friends and former band members just showing up and spending the weekend jamming out. The key is finding something that means a great deal to your spouse and making it a new and exhilarating experience.
For him, when I’m hitting the point of being done, he will take children for an afternoon and surprise me with a certificate for a massage or pedicure. Anything that will renew my sense of self and take me back to the days before I had children (and time!)
All relationships are give and take. If there’s no exchange between, they fail. Respecting and knowing your partner makes all the difference in the world.
Marriage-101
Oct 5, 2007 at 2:56 pm
I like Heather’s answer but when my husband is feeling done, I try to make everything else easy on him. I don’t ask nor expect him to do things around the house and am more than willing to just let him veg in front of the TV, or take a break from the mundane and go to a movie or we go out to dinner so he can unwind and vent, if needed.
Bald Man
Oct 5, 2007 at 10:20 pm
Mysti,
Those sound like wonderful gifts. I hope your husband appreciates them.
If there is one thread that is beginning to emerge it’s that people are different. Get ideas from others - like here - but it is so important to know your spouse and his/her individual preferences.
Thrifty Karen
Oct 8, 2007 at 10:40 pm
If he wants to talk, then I make myself available to listen. I try to console him, if he needs it. Sometimes an “I’m sorry you’re tired. Or I’m sorry you had a bad week.” can go a long way. Then I usually just leave him alone and let him rest.
Thrifty Karen
Oct 8, 2007 at 10:40 pm
Oh, and I try to keep the kids quiet and tell them to stay out of the bedroom so that daddy can rest.
Bald Man
Oct 9, 2007 at 10:12 pm
TK,
Thanks for the comments. Sometimes a bit of quiet solitude can make all the difference.
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