Marriage Actually - An honest look at marriage

Leaving Home

by Bald Man on August 20th, 2007

Moving now from Buddha to the Bible, consider the following from the book of Genesis:

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion for him who corresponds to him.” The Lord God formed out of the ground every living animal of the field and every bird of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them, and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man named all the animals, the birds of the air, and the living creatures of the field, but for Adam no companion who corresponded to him was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was asleep, he took part of the man’s side and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the part he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. Then the man said,

“This one at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
this one will be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and unites with his wife, and they become a new family.

This passage is set just after the big parade, in which God marches all the other animals past Adam for him to name. “Dog… frog… hog…” etc. God, being observant, notices that none of the swimmy things or wingy things or creepy-crawly things manages to hold Adam’s attention, so he does the sensible thing and knocks Adam cold. When Adam wakes up, lo and behold! There is Eve, and Adam has only one response: “Whoa!” (In my mind Adam will forever sound like Joey Russo.)

Now that we’re done with this slightly humorous recap we get to the bit I really want to talk about:

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and unites with his wife, and they become a new family.

A new family… one flesh… the two are united into one.

Question: How many of us fail to leave the home of our youth and create a new family with our spouse? How many of us cling to the thoughts, attitudes, habits, and ways of our youth, instead of forging a new life with our new spouse?

Let me ask it this way: How many of us have a live-in girlfriend or boyfriend that we take home to mom and dad… instead of a bride or groom with whom we visit our parents? (Think through that one if you need to.)

Confession time: I HATE Everybody Loves Raymond. Award winning show or not, it made me angry more often than it made me laugh. Marie was a meddling weasel, and I just wanted to kick Ray around the block. “Your a grown-ass man! Act like it!”

…ahem… sorry about that…

Anyway, back to the point: For a marriage to be successful, it is essential that each partner in that marriage leave home! Remember that first fight Kerri and I had? All part of growing up and leaving home.

And once you leave mom and dad, you must work on creating a new family with your spouse. Don’t quit; don’t run crying back to mommy and daddy. Stick it out. Yes, it takes work… Yes, there will be fights… misunderstandings… probably even some tears, too. But it must be done. A new family must be created if a marriage is to have a chance.

So, move out… If your folks are holding on a little to… Marie-ish, cut the cord yourself. Tell your mom to convert your old bedroom into that sewing room she’s always wanted. Make your dad put away your Pop Warner trophies. And most importantly, start looking to your spouse and the new life you are creating together for all of the support, encouragement, and answers you once found in the home of your youth.

Please… don’t be a Raymond.

images: baby | ipods | trees

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