Marriage Actually - An honest look at marriage

“What’s My Motivation?”

by Bald Man on August 13th, 2007

Going through a few other thoughts inspired by If The Buddha Married, by Charlotte Kasl, I’ll pick up where I left off in my post on Image and Reality.

Kasl challenges us to pause and examine our real motivations, particularly in times of stress or distress. When we feel threatened, hurt, of angry, we sometimes react instinctively with conditioned responses to explain those emotions or perhaps even to mask them. If we only even interact with one another on this level, the truth hidden behind a fog of deception, we will never experience the love and freedom that marriage is designed to foster. We will only ever remain in a house of mirrors shadow-boxing with our illusory selves.

So do yourself and your spouse the honor of being truthful. Ask yourself hard questions, like:

• How do I really feel? (For example, am I really angry, or am I using anger to cover up fear?)
• Why do I feel this way? What about the situation is bringing these emotions out of me?

Answering these questions honestly - and sharing those answers with your spouse - is essential. These are the first steps both toward resolving deep-seeded issues and toward connecting at a deeper level.

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POSTED IN: Resolving Conflict