Marriage Actually - An honest look at marriage

Do you admit it when things aren’t good?

by Kerri on June 30th, 2007

I think it’s a valid question to ask. Are you willing to admit when things aren’t good in your marriage? And really, it’s a two part question:

Are you willing to admit to yourself when things aren’t good in your marriage? It’s really hard to acknowledge to anyone else that things aren’t well if you won’t even acknowledge it to yourself. I think there can be many reasons that we’re afraid to admit it, but none of those reasons are good enough to ignore it.

If there’s a major disruption in the foundation of a house, does it benefit the house or anyone in it to continue to live in it without addressing it? No. Neither does it help to do this in a marriage or other relationship.

The second question is whether or not you’re willing to admit it to each other when your relationship is not good. Maybe your perception is that you’re the only one feeling alone, stressed, frustrated, or angry, and that it’s better to just deal with it than work it out. The problem with this plan is that you’re not the only one in the relationship, and yours isn’t the only side to the story.

I know that there have been many times in our relationship that I’ve not immediately addressed a problem or issue that I’m having with Cory, only to stew in it and make it bigger and bigger in my head. There are usually two results to this in the end: 1. My perception of the situation was off, and usually not as bad as I’d made it out to be. 2. Cory was struggling the same as I was and felt alone in it, too.

One of the purposes of this partnership of marriage is that we live our lives together. It’s amazing how easily two people living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, can feel completely alone. That happens when two people who are supposed to trust each other more than anyone else in the world with everything that they have come to a point where they can’t even trust each other with the ins and outs of their marriage.

Don’t let it get there. Talk to each other.

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POSTED IN: General, Resolving Conflict