Marriage Actually - An honest look at marriage

Confession: Sometimes we go to bed angry

by Kerri on May 29th, 2007

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller’s Housekeeping Hints, 1966

It’s one of the most common bits of advice out there, I think, for the married couple. “Never go to bed angry.” Well, guess what, sometimes we go to bed angry, or at least I do (I suppose I should let him put his own thoughts out here!).

Why? Because I don’t want to live by other people’s rules? Because sometimes I just like to bug him? Because I’m just too tired to care?

No, none of those. Well, maybe that last one has happened before. I mean, really, we’ve had three babies. I’m sure, during the first few months of at least one of their lives, that was the case! But usually, no.

The reason is that life is not a sitcom, and sometimes all of the problems that we’re dealing with can’t just be solved in 30 minutes or less. Sometimes, whatever we’re dealing with takes some time to figure out and will have to sit until morning.

And while it has happened that I’ve gone to bed angry, what’s more important to me is that I don’t go to bed being dishonest. I don’t pretend that I’m not angry (I’m not really good at hiding it, anyway). Whatever we’re dealing with is expressed as best as we can articulate it at the time. We try to share what we’re feeling from our perspectives, and figure out what can be dealt with right then. Sometimes, though, we have to decide that we can’t have resolution on it all at that moment, but we agree to keep working on it the next day.

And, honestly, those are the nights we’re more likely to end the evening with an “I love you”, angry or not.

photo credit: me
quote: The Quote Garden

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POSTED IN: About Us, Resolving Conflict